Tuesday, December 28, 2004

I hope everyone had an enjoyable Christmas--er, I mean, inoffensive non-denominational Giving Day. To clear up any non-PC overtones.
Nothing really of note about mine. I got books and CD's, like I usually do. Good ones, although I have yet to delve into the Elvis Costello CD my dad got me. So far I'm enjoying Our Oldest Enemy, which is about America's relationship with France. The misanthrope/francophobe within revels in France's almost comedic attempts to thwart the U.S.--it's like the comic book villain that tries to set a trap for the hero and ends up setting his own hair on fire. Like Wile E. Coyote with a beret and a striped shirt. And a cigarette, of course.
And I got a new leather jacket. The other one is four years old and has become torn and tattered with the ravages of time. I don't plan on throwing it away, though--more than half of my high school experiences reside inside that coat. I used it as a seat cushion at the EYC October Weekend 2002, when it was too muddy to sit on the concrete pavilion. It's the coat I wore day in and day out, spring, fall, and winter--way too much to simply toss it away like I tossed away some of the chances I let fly by in high school.
Anyway, the main gift I got this year was a quiet Christmas. Really, quiet holdiays are underrated...when I was a kid Christmas was the big thing besides Hallowe'en and Easter and our summer party. First there was Advent, and we got to make the Advent wreaths and light the Advent candles. (Purple-purple-pink-purple...when you got to that pink one you knew Christmas was only a week away.) Then there was Harry and Jane Poulter's Christmas party, the week before the big day itself. Nowadays there's the EYC dance, followed by the eternal Poulter Christmas party like always--but I lost the season of Advent. I get caught up in Exams and the end of classes and Advent kind of falls by the wayside. So in the end I actually feel a little guilty...not only do I not get the full "Christmas season" but I feel less spiritually defined than I did back before I went to college. At the same time, though, I have to admit that not having that huge hype-filled lead-in to the Season makes any let-down a little easier to bear. Hence the gratefulness for a quiet Christmas. I only wish there was a way to combine the calmer holiday feeling with a sense of spiritual fulfillment...here's hoping I find that fulfillment come the New Year.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
The lonely light of morning
The wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I have held so dear...

Yes, yes, I know. Melodrama. This has been a very stressful two weeks of exams and the emotional backlash therein. I could go into detail but the main point is, my roommate and I are now at odds--or rather, he's at odds with me over a bunch of things that seem to stem from at least the beginning of the semester and possibly all the way back to last spring. At any rate, I won't take issue with that right now...I did some things wrong, for my part, and I feel that he is justified in his anger. I also feel that communication towards the beginning of the year between the two of us would have been helpful in preventing exactly this type of situation. I will admit it: I am dense. I am an intelligent, articulate, well-spoken, and well-brought up young man--but I am dense. Like my father I can often spot the subtleties in art and writing and nature, but for the life of me I cannot read other people. This is something I cannot apologize for, since denseness seems to be an innate quality that cannot be learned away. I do regret possessing it, however, and wish that some things were clearer to my eyes.

First lesson learned: I am dense. Denser, perhaps, than I originally thought.

In reference to the "losing everything"...I feel as though a lot of bonds have been lost. Bonds, perhaps, that were mere illusions to begin with. If what Hank says is true--and I have no way of knowing if it is--then a lot of people from Taliaferro were certain that he was going to kill me at some point this year due to how annoying I am. However, there are plenty of other ex-Taliaferroans who, from their actions and words this semester, have proven that they will go to bat for me if necessary.

Second lesson learned: People will not always like you. It is their right NOT to like you. It is also your right not to like them back and to choose to disassociate yourself from them.

I'm not always great with boundaries. I freely admit this. I think I have freely admitted most of the faults Hank has pointed out. Does this mean I know what to do? Hell no. I remained confused about why he was pissed at me well into this month. Clueless, yes. Well-intentioned, yes. Anxious, definitely. A good roommate? Well........obviously not for Hank. My friend Eric Anderson advised me not to draw conclusions about my attributes as a roomate from such a small sample size (2). Let's hope I have a chance to redeem myself in my own eyes about the quality of living partner I make in the next two years to come.

Third lesson learned: Intentions aren't always enough. Sometimes, nothing is ever enough. Only by exercising our constitutional right to make asshats of ourselves do we learn anything about what makes us human and why we're better off NOT acting human.

I feel like Hank and I brought things to this situation that, were we not living together, never would have been an issue. The events that transpired led to these unfortunate and troubling events, and I can only hope that time will heal the wounds and anger, the way it healed the wounds and anger between my dad and his friend Harry when they were at W & M together.
So I'm really not quite sure how to end this, since the whole situation really hasn't ended yet. Thank God for break. I can only pray for its restorative powers.

Monday, December 06, 2004

For all we know
These days are all numbered
And things will get better I hope
'Cause I'll be the first and the last one to go
Lord, it's a cruel, cruel world without love...

Argh. Blogger ate my earlier post. Which is all for the best, I guess. It was mainly just me bitching about exams. Although I did have a nice time this weekend: Emily "Bright Eyes" from EYC came down with her family for Grand Illumination, the fireworks celebration thing that goes on here in December. I love hanging out with Emily--she's got such a bouncy personality and it rubs off on you until you're just as blonde and hyper as she is.
Also this weekend I had the weirdest dream that I was watching a total eclipse of the Earth from the moon. It was very cool and a bunch of other people (Hank, Stephanie, Max, Ben, etc.) were there, and we were all excited and jazzed--but I clearly remember saying "It's going to be a hell of a long trip. I mean, it's neat and everything, but was it really worth the distance we had to travel?"
So yeah. Everything on Earth is in tune, but the Earth is eclipsed by the moon, and Will is left fretting about whether or not it was worth traveling this far to see it.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

This week has been busy, stressful, and fun, all rolled together. On Tuesday I had my Chem Lab final, which was fairly rough...but afterwards I got to go to the Cheese Shop with Elizabeth who was in my section and worked next to me. It was great to finally walk out of the lab and be done with Orgo forever and then go to the Shop (which I haven't been to in forever) with some very excellent company. *insert appropriate emoticon here*
Then on Wednesday I had my usual lunch with Lynn, Liz, Natasha, Chris, Matt, and a few others whose names I cannot remember. It's a wonderful thing when you have a set routine for meals--used to be I'd eat breakfast with Tex, have lunch with Hank and Ben and Alan, and dinner with a bunch of the Tali crew. Now it's--or rather, it was, since the last week is upon us--lunch with Hank and Max and Ben on Tuesday/Thursday and lunch with Lynn, Liz et al on Monday/Wednesday/Friday. Anyway...that's a rambling way of saying that I like eating lunch with the Monroe girls and their cohort.
And then today we had our last Physics lab which was thankfully simple and quick and painless, etc. Kevin, our TA, was nice enough to invite us over to the Green Leafe at 7:00 for dinner. Only six of us--me, Chelsea, Marnie, Stacy, Kevin, and some kid whose name escapes me--showed up, but it was fun anyway. I got a blackened chicken wrap--the first sandwich I've ever had with lettuce on it. Can this really mean that times are changing? When Will voluntarily eats a sandwich with vegetables on it, can other miracles be far behind...?