Thursday, March 17, 2005

A Very Unhappy St. Patrick's Day

Got back from Physics lab today and Danny Wysong was in the Pleasants 1st Lounge. My friend and freshman hallmate Adam McCool killed himself today, Danny told me. There would be an emergency counseling meeting/service at the UC at 8:00.
I went. I figured I needed to. I needed to be around people who had known Adam. You see, he IM'ed back on Sunday, when I got back. In a rare burst of candor he told me that he liked me (adding that he wouldn't have been able to tell me this when he was sober) and that he thought I was cool.
So I got the chance to say goodbye, in a way. We said the things we needed to say, though I didn't know it at the time. I don't know what to say that would do him justice--he was an offensive and abrasive SOB and I loved him for it. I saw in him the things I sometimes wish I had--the refusal to participate in petty matters that will only complicate our lives, the ability to live life on one's terms, and a fierce and spirited independence (though that description really doesn't do him justice). But he struggled with things beyond his control, and lost.
I pray that St. Paddy eased the troubled spirit of Eire's son Adam McCool today.





I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend
You could cut ties with all the lies that you’ve been living in
And if you do not want to see me again
I would understand
I would understand

The angry boy, a bit too insane
Icing over a secret pain
You know you don’t belong
You’re the first to fight, you’re way too loud
You’re the flash of light on a burial shroud
I know something’s wrong
Everyone I know has got a reason
To say, "Put the past away"

I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend
You could cut ties with all the lies that you’ve been living in
And if you do not want to see me again
I would understand
I would understand

Well he’s on the table and he’s gone to code
And I do not think anyone knows
What they’re doing here
And your friends have left you, you’ve been dismissed
I never thought it would come to this
And I, I want you to know
Everyone’s got to face down the demons
Maybe today you could put the past away

I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend
You could cut ties with all the lies that you’ve been living in
And if you do not want to see me again
I would understand
I would understand
I would understand

Can you put the past away?
I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend
I would understand
I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend
I would understand...

2 Comments:

Blogger Elisha said...

Woah! That's much worse than being seperated with your buds for a couple of months!

I wish I could tell you something that could make you feel a bit better, but I have never experienced a friend or loved one dying. The only deaths I have come across in my lifetime is the death of my grampa and gramma on my mom's side and the death of my gramma on my dad's side. And that was long ago, when I was still very young and I wasn't that close to them either.

So I guess the best that I could do is give you a hug. *hugs Will* :)

And I think I'm also going to give my other friends a hug while I still can.

1:52 AM  
Blogger emilie said...

I'm sorry to hear that. what can i say... some people have too much to carry, they just can't cope. and usually the people around them wil feel guilty but they shouldn't. A girl i knew comitted suicide a few years ago, and I know that there was probably more I could have done to make her feel better, but I also know that she needed professional help and she didn't want that and ultimately that's the only thing that could have saved her and she turned it down.

5:59 AM  

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