Wednesday, March 23, 2005

I wish I had something happy to report in the aftermath of all that's happened, but it doesn't seem to be getting better yet. I've had four exams and a paper in the space of two weeks, and so far it looks like I may have really tanked on Physics. (Not surprising--I took it the day after McCool left this blighted sphere.) It's been getting easier to get up each day, not necessarily because I like getting up, but merely because things don't suck as much out of me. I can't tell if this is because I'm getting used to having my vitality sapped or because there's not much left to sap.

I realize this is sounding like a pretty bleak post, and it's probably due to the stark nature of Adam's departure. I won't pretend that I was his good friend--we were not close. But we were not far apart, either. I lived next to him for nine months and he occupied a space in my mind and in my heart. At the same time, I don't want to use his death as a crutch or an excuse for poor peformance. That being said, it's kind of rough having a freshman hallmate commit suicide. It throws you for a loop, makes you question the reality of where you are, or where you thought you were. When people you think are strong go to pieces, it can really make you scared.

So I don't know what I'm going to do. I really don't. I only hope that this crunch period passes and leaves me intact, emotion-wise and grade-wise.


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