Monday, February 28, 2005

I was able to get my hands on a partial list of the items contained within the goody bags given to each actor nominated at the Oscars (with thanks to John Derbyshire and Google for helping me compile this list):

-hotel and resort getaways
-spa treatments;
-cashmere PJs
-designer slippers
-bottles of olive oil
-steak dinners
-a hair dryer
-kitchen appliances
-an exclusive new high-tech phone not yet released to the public


I'm pretty sure these are the same people who bitch about how we don't give enough aid as a country and pat each other on the back for giving out handshakes and maybe a bread crust or two to starving crippled children in Sri Lanka. This, ladies and gentlemen, is why I pledge to demolish Hollywood if I'm ever elected president. And when I say demolish, I don't want to conjure up images of bulldozers or wrecking balls or anything.
I want to conjure up images of F-117 Stealth Bombers over the skyline of L.A.

(x number of actors were not available for comment as they were busy eating a steak dinner while talking over their new cell phone to arrange their getaway vacations.)


Blogger Dymphna said...

'Tis a rare actor who isn't a self-absorbed, regressed narcissist.

The reason they can "act" is they're mostly Fours, and Fours have a malleable identity -- or think they do...

Some actors, like Tom Cruise, are Threes with Four wings, but they always act characters who are Threes.

And then there's good ol' Clint Eastwood...

Anyway, they're all conspicuous consumers...they take on the persona of famous person and then bitch about it...

Doctors do the same thing. So do politicians (mostly Sevens and Threes there -- except for reformers like Hillary).

Don't strafe them...just sign a presidential order that they cannot live in the US. Have California secede and then close the borders.

5:00 PM  

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