Tuesday, October 05, 2004

I'm currently recovering from the triple whammy of a cold, the flu, and a stomach bug, so blogging will be light. I feel as though I've made a definite peace with Lynn--a peace I should have been willing to make from the beginning. It's through the grace of God that I don't screw up more relationships than I do--what with all my unrealistic expectations of others and how I believe they should behave. And I feel as though I'm letting Andrew live less and less inside my head, which is also as it should be. He and I aren't rooming together anymore, and the time we spent together is now behind us. I need to be able to let my feelings go--anger at him for percieved wrongs, sorrow that we can no longer be friends, and a host of other emotions that just drag me down. We are separate people and we'll find our separate ways, and the only thing that is reasonable to hope for now is that my path will be bent towards transcendence rather than vindication, and to peace rather than triumph.

3 Comments:

Blogger Andrew said...

Sorry i didnt' reply earlier, i don't read your blog, but since i talked to you and you were amiable today, i thought i might try again.

I'd like to try to be your friend will. you're a good person and i'm more mature now than i was before, and i understand if you dont' want to be my friend

2:17 AM  
Blogger Gryffilion said...

Andrew--

There's a lot of bad history in our past dealings with each other. I don't know quite how to put this...I'd like to think we could be friends again, but I don't know that I could ever fully trust you again--to be fully honest with you. Because of what happened last year, I lost my friendship and potential for a relationship with Katie and nearly lost my friendships with Emily and Rachel.
That being said--I'm not going to stop being "amiable" to you. I'm not going to let bitterness poison my life and make me into an angry, cynical person. I believe that you a fundamentally decent a funny guy, with whom I unfortunately must remain distant from at this point in time.
And sometimes letting things be can be healing enough by itself.

11:36 PM  
Blogger Andrew said...

i can understand that will. i did break your trust and at least that's a concept of which i am familiar (if not intimatly aquainted).

I can say quite honestly that i was scared of you every time we would pass, because i was afraid you'd yell at me or just because you sent off waves of anger like heat (or at least that's how i imagined i felt), but i'm starting to get over that, and i'm at least gonna say hi and try to treat you like the person you deserve to be treated

1:44 AM  

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