Hee hee. This is great--it comes from James Lileks' Backfence column on the Minneapolis Star Tribune:

"Herewith my new and improved "American Pie" lyrics:

'I take my leave, you circular, pastry-based female representation of American culture.

I drove my vehicle to the berm, and discerned no anomolous water levels.

Several colorful rustics were present, ingesting spiritous beverages

The message of their songs indicated that they expected death within the next few hours . . . '

Sturdy, honest, sensible, dull.

It'll make a great Volvo ad."